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Submitted on
February 23, 2014
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1.

the moon disappears every 28 days.
it wanes & waxes in fractions; it's smart
enough to not try everything at once.

2.

i have been taught that every 7 years,
the cells in my body will die & be born again.

this means the moon will vanish & reappear 91 times
before i will have skin free of your fingerprints.

3.

Proud Lake is located in Commerce, Michigan. at the crack of dawn,
you can find a boy with a gravel & honey voice casting fishing
lines into the abyss. you will wonder if he'll catch a good one.

4.

time knows no boundaries;
just benevolence that doesn't always work out.

5.

once, when i was 2 years old, i choked on the leaf of a mulberry tree.
not every seed bears good fruit.

sometimes, something is so beautiful that you can't breathe.
sometimes, you won't even try.

6.

my palm is roughly the size of a nectarine.
in Chinese culture, nectarines symbolize mutation
and mutation is a change in structure.

i still don't know what my hands are trying to tell me.

7.

a boy named Joshua told me:

until you have seen a deaf girl dance,
you know nothing of passion.


what about chilly summer nights spent
on the damp field of Camp Hickory?

what about phone calls that bleed into the gentle morning?
what about mourning the death of a loved one who is still breathing?

8.

i have apologies tattooed onto my ankles
from all the times i stepped into a bad situation.
i wear high socks so no one will know how sorry i am.

9.

it doesn't matter how wide we spread our fingers
to block our faces from the sun because we all
end up in graves anyway.

we should've learned by now that appreciating something
after it's gone is the worst way to be too late.

10.

we live in a cardboard castle.
you're in the boxing ring with your words instead of fists.
i store the ache of missing you in a box under my bed.

spring cleaning is in a few weeks and
there is dust in all the hard-to-reach places.

11.

a boy named Dallas asked me:

what makes a man walk away from his mind?

i told him that last summer, i rested in the arms
of the boy i love and saw my first shooting star.
i ignored the tug of the feeling that leaving conjured.
i let my heart compass me forward.

12.

i found myself a cutting board and a scalpel and
dissected my own brain and questioned my amygdala:

how is a 300-mile stretch of road signs a safe distance
to travel back & forth without ever moving?


like my hands, it still hasn't answered me.

13.

my skin cells are still dissipating.
this is where time's failed benevolence kicks in.

14.

i sickened myself with the thought of our decline.
i tried so hard to cough you out that my throat
bruised all the way to the outside of my neck.

not everything is cured with good intentions & passing minutes.

15.

we store our love in a body bag.
there are too many casualties on the lawn
of Camp Hickory to identify them all.

we collect them in a mass grave and skip the prayer service.

16.

i knock on wood 16 times in a row for good luck.
i am convinced that it'll make the moon phase faster,
my flesh disappear altogether.
this is quite lengthy; my apologies

UPDATE 2.25.14: spoken word track is here - soundcloud.com/recklessromance…
Add a Comment:
 
:iconmoe-princess-7:
moe-princess-7 Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2014  Hobbyist Artist
Wow. There are so many beautiful lines in this work, I'd end up quoting your entire work if I listed them all. This tugged at my heartstrings and moved my heart into my throat permanently. Beautiful job! :)
Reply
:iconlearningtobefree:
learningtobefree Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2014  Student Writer
Thanks!
Reply
:iconshehrozeameen:
shehrozeameen Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I read this work in full and I must say, your narration does work wonders in this poem :)

I read this work the first time in full and honestly, I'm impressed :clap: you really are a good poet, hun. I say this because of how you've layered this poem. The best part of this poem - even after the second reading, mind you - was the delivery and the balance of the presentation in this work :jawdrop:. I can honestly say you've done a wonderful job in my honest opinion. :pat:

I'm so glad I followed my gut instinct in reading your works :dummy: This work, much like the previous one that I read, had a wonderful type of symbolism. I mean it. I personally love how you used the biology references in this poem (7 years? That's quite a long while to wait, no ;p ?) and honestly, the angst is sincere... it does show you've invested your time in this work.

Those form the best poems on dA :heart: . A worthwhile :+fav: and worth reading too. Now I'll be off to read more works :la:
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:iconirixian:
Irixian Featured By Owner Mar 4, 2014  Professional Writer
Amazing.
Reply
:iconlearningtobefree:
learningtobefree Featured By Owner Mar 4, 2014  Student Writer
thank youuu
Reply
:iconmaryitis:
MaryItIs Featured By Owner Mar 2, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Please explain?
my skin cells are still dissipating.
this is where time's failed benevolence kicks in.
Reply
:iconlearningtobefree:
learningtobefree Featured By Owner Mar 2, 2014  Student Writer
my skin is in the process of dying and being born again (mentioned in 2), and time's good intentions that don't always work out (mentioned in 4). so time (7 years) means well in the sense that it is trying to make me get over him, but all this extra time i have on my hands is actually quite torturous. 

sorry that was sort of convoluted--it's rather difficult to explain. 
Reply
:iconmaryitis:
MaryItIs Featured By Owner Mar 3, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I understood this when I heard the soundclip. Thanks. I thought the same thing. Amazing poetry. Happy Bouncer Proud to Serve 
Reply
:iconlearningtobefree:
learningtobefree Featured By Owner Mar 3, 2014  Student Writer
thank you so much, i appreciate it!
Reply
:iconvenomikitten:
VenomiKitten Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2014  Student General Artist
Wow..this is very down to earth...words cannot describe...
Reply
:iconlearningtobefree:
learningtobefree Featured By Owner Mar 2, 2014  Student Writer
thanks so much!
Reply
:icondanielleivanova:
DanielleIvanova Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
what about mourning the death of a loved one who is still breathing? I know that its intention doesn't corespond to how I saw it, but this line spoke to me. :heart:
Also I find the second stanza to be very interesting. It starts out scientific and factual and then the twist kicks in and it's awesome :love:
Overall the message is well-delivered and the poem is very emotional but I'd have liked a better flow to it. At places it feels a bit too crowded with words.
Reply
:iconlearningtobefree:
learningtobefree Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2014  Student Writer
thanks for the thoughtful feedback?

at which instances did you feel as though there were too many words? 
i'd really appreciate some elaboration on this so i can rectify the issue.
Reply
:icondanielleivanova:
DanielleIvanova Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Ok, then, I'll put the places I felt could be more concise in bold + some suggestions.
2. 

i have been taught that every 7 years,
the cells in my body will die & be born again. - rebirth?

this means the moon will vanish & reappear 91 times - maybe a colon or a dash instead?
 before i will have skin free of your fingerprints. - the concept is great but I feel it could benefit from a different wording;

3. 

Proud Lake is located in Commerce, Michigan. at 2 in the morning, - lies?; 2 in the morning sounds a bit bulky and I think you could replace it with something that gives a more vivid image of the setting;
you can find a boy with a gravel & honey voice casting fishing lines - don't find it necessary;
into the abyss. you will wonder if he'll catch a good one. 

5. 

once, when i was 2 years old, i choked on the leaf of a mulberry tree. -  without it?
not every seed bears good fruit. 

sometimes, something is so beautiful that you can't breathe. 
sometimes, you won't even try. 

6. 

my palm is approximately the size of a nectarine. - roughly or omit it altogether?
according to Chinese culture, nectarines symbolize mutation - in?
and mutation is a change in structure. 

i still don't know what my hands are trying to tell me.

8. 

i have apologies tattooed onto my ankles 
from all the times i stepped into a bad situation. - I think it would benefit if you replaced it with a metaphor of a kind;
i wear high socks so no one will know how sorry i am.

12. 

i found myself a cutting board and a surgical knife and - scalpel?
dissected my own brain and questioned my amygdala about 

why it thought a 300-mile stretch of road signs would be 
a safe distance to travel back & forth without ever moving.  - here it feels like your main point is lost in too much detail;

like my hands, it still hasn't answered me. 

--
In any case, feel free to tell me if I'm wrong with my assumptions about your intended meaning. It was a pleasure to analyse the poem in any case, because it allowed me to relish the powerful moments even more. :aww:

Reply
:iconlearningtobefree:
learningtobefree Featured By Owner Mar 2, 2014  Student Writer
i appreciate the time you took to do this, thank you so much. 
i've applied many of these suggestions. 
Reply
:icondanielleivanova:
DanielleIvanova Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
My pleasure! :heart:
Reply
:iconapplelilly:
AppleLilly Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2014
Amazing just so amazing... I'm at a lost for words
Reply
:iconlearningtobefree:
learningtobefree Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2014  Student Writer
thanks!!
Reply
:iconxomegaxx:
XomegaXX Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
This is absolutely fantastic. I love how you have the separate verses that still bleed  over into one another. I love how you turn each phrase. I love the images you send across the void to all of us readers.
Reply
:iconlearningtobefree:
learningtobefree Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2014  Student Writer
ahh i'm glad you liked it so much!
Reply
:iconxomegaxx:
XomegaXX Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Credit where it's due!
Reply
:iconautumn-spirit:
autumn-spirit Featured By Owner Feb 27, 2014
this is so beautiful and intense!
Reply
:iconlearningtobefree:
learningtobefree Featured By Owner Feb 27, 2014  Student Writer
thanks!
Reply
:icontotallyuncreativeme:
TotallyUncreativeMe Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I didn't want it to end. :dalove:
Reply
:iconlearningtobefree:
learningtobefree Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2014  Student Writer
aw thank you :)
Reply
:iconunravelledrose:
unravelledrose Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I enjoyed the beautiful metaphors in this :) 
Reply
:iconlearningtobefree:
learningtobefree Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2014  Student Writer
thank you so much--i appreciate it!
Reply
:iconlajadora:
LajaDora Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2014  Student Digital Artist
Breathtaking, especially 1 and 2. Thank you for writing this!
Reply
:iconlearningtobefree:
learningtobefree Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2014  Student Writer
thanks so much!
Reply
:iconjustiniskawaii:
justiniskawaii Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
This is just amazing~ good work ^-^
Reply
:iconlearningtobefree:
learningtobefree Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2014  Student Writer
thank you!!
Reply
:iconjustiniskawaii:
justiniskawaii Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
No problem c: I read some of your other poems and they are just amazing too ~ 
Reply
:iconrambling-anthology:
Rambling-anthology Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Very beautiful.  Every word is perfectly chosen, and the numbers dissect it into the perfect operation.  Very well done.
Reply
:iconlearningtobefree:
learningtobefree Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2014  Student Writer
thank you so much!
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I'm infatuated with the way you see the world
Reply
:iconlearningtobefree:
learningtobefree Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2014  Student Writer
this actually made my day, thank you so so so much wow
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
i hope it's okay that i printed off because i love to reread poems that inspire me
Reply
:iconlearningtobefree:
learningtobefree Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2014  Student Writer
perfectly fine-i'm quite flattered
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
**it
i printed *it off
oops
Reply
:iconmcclelland:
McClelland Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2014  Hobbyist Writer

I really enjoy this poem. 1 is gorgeous, not a word is out of place. 2 reminds me of how our taste buds evolve and how we are encouraged to try a food we dislike every seven years - sometimes the tongue changes its mind. 8 is so raw and honest and completely wonderful. 9 leaves me thinking way past its end. But what I love most about this poem is how everything comes together. How the sections are small individual poems and yet the whole of it is stitched together with beautiful purpose.


I also liked the way you engage the senses. I found myself missing the olfactory part and kind of hoped it would come up. And I wonder how it would look if you played with placement of the sections. You have a winning hand as is but sometimes shuffling the cards makes us see a new combination.


As for your question of spoken word - it's possible. Personally though, I enjoy the structure of it all... which might take a back seat if we were to only focus on the cadence.


Thank you for sharing this with us.

Reply
:iconlearningtobefree:
learningtobefree Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2014  Student Writer
thank you for your thoughtful words and kindness; i really appreciate this feedback. 

in regards to the spoken word comment--i'm not sure how long you've been watching my work, but i make spoken word tracks for most of my poems. i just wanted to see if you guys would like one for this poem too! 
Reply
:iconmcclelland:
McClelland Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Just stumbled upon you last night. So yeah, my comment on that is a little out of place. Haha.
Reply
:iconlearningtobefree:
learningtobefree Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2014  Student Writer
hahaha, totally understandable. i'm glad you could appreciate this. 
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:iconsaltwaterlungs:
saltwaterlungs Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Beautiful collection!
Reply
:iconlearningtobefree:
learningtobefree Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2014  Student Writer
thanks!
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