Deviant Login Shop  Join deviantART for FREE Take the Tour
×

:iconlearningtobefree: More from learningtobefree


More from deviantART



Details

Submitted on
November 11, 2013
Link
Thumb

Stats

Views
345
Favourites
26 (who?)
Comments
9

License

Creative Commons License
Some rights reserved. This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 License.
×
I.

i have this tendency to hide behind tall buildings.
skyscrapers are home, but your lap
is the most familiar place i will ever know.  

II.

when Thomas Edison invented the light bulb,
he did not account for your smile.

the brilliance of the two can blind,
subsequently terminating his patents
and deeming light fixtures illegal.

III.

every time i'm on the highway past midnight, i'm reminded that
the difference between us is a 300-mile span of lampposts.

i'm sure that Thomas Edison didn't consider this, either.
if he had, he would have used that mind of his to invent teleportation.

he wouldn't want me stranded in a bed too large for a single body,
shivering with thoughts of damp fields and crunchy leaves and interlocking fingers,
mumbling about how quickly we turned upside down.

IV.

still, i think of you in the moments before i do something brave
like tell a secret or hold someone's hand during a movie.

you taught me that forgiveness comes in floods.
my eyes are a tsunami-tide away from dragging me back to the starting line.

V.

i keep telling myself that time will sort things out
into neat, little piles as it always does. but eventually,
time will tire of dealing with aches it doesn't own.

i will be left with messy hair
fingernails chewed raw
and a copy of Where the Red Fern Grows that i won't read.

you will be changing the oil in your car
recalling every word i've ever written about you
and avoiding all of my favorite songs.

VI.

the last time i went on vacation,
the walls of Jordan whispered your name.

i did not plead with them. i did not cry.

instead, i wrote i miss you on every brick,
mouthing the words inaudibly over and over again,
praying that you could read lips.

VII.

i have already forgotten the title of your favorite book.
you are traveling more and forgetting the shape of my face.
we will never be right-side-up again.
technically, i wrote this in about 2 hours
but really, it has taken me a solid 2 months

UPDATE 1.9.14 spoken word track for this: soundcloud.com/recklessromance…;
Add a Comment:
 
:iconayeaye12:
Agh, beautiful stuff.
of course, Nikola Tesla invented the first light-bulb, and then Thomas Edison improved it, but I don't really think that's very important ;P And anyway, you seem to have a hallmark to that with the "terminating patents" bit, but I dunno.

Some heart-stopping language used here. Thing is, none of it really stands out per se... take one line out and it just seems to remove its magic; it all works together into a neat piece. However, I don't know if the numbers are necessary: the poem would work just as well without them, I think. Otherwise, it jars the pace a little, especially when some numbered parts are only three or so lines long.
Still, it really is beautiful in that it's tragic. Great stuff.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
2 out of 2 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

Please sign up or login to post a critique.

:iconmaryitis:
MaryItIs Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Frozen - HUG! 
Reply
:iconxomegaxx:
XomegaXX Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
that's twice you've mentioned 300 miles..

It took you two months to write it, or sort it out within you?
Reply
:iconlearningtobefree:
learningtobefree Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2014  Student Writer
good observation.
Reply
:iconvespera:
vespera Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
VI   :heart:
Reply
:iconyour-methamphetamine:
your-methamphetamine Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2013  Student Writer
when Thomas Edison invented the light bulb,
he did not account for your smile.


and

i am afraid that we will never be right-side up again

these made me smile. beautiful job here. <3
Reply
:iconlearningtobefree:
learningtobefree Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2013  Student Writer
thank you!
Reply
:icondougiek06:
dougiek06 Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2013
This leaves me speechless, I would love to give you some critique but as of this moment I'm in awe and have none! Well done!
Reply
:iconlearningtobefree:
learningtobefree Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2013  Student Writer
haha well thank you!
Reply
:icondougiek06:
dougiek06 Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2013
You are very much welcome thank you for sharing this with the world, two hours/months well spent!
Reply
Add a Comment: